Give and Take: Expansion and Drains

The good news is that my surgeon removed my beloved drains -- so no more salt in the wounds experiences that happen at each daily stripping of the tubes. No more carrying around of small body fluid grenades. Freedom enjoyed after 3 weeks. This was truly exciting, for about 10 minutes.

At this same appointment the doctor wanted to begin the process of expanding my pectoralis muscle in order for the fluids to have a natural place to travel. By starting this part of the process of breast reconstruction at this stage I would then minimize infection and minimize having to go to the office and having a needle inserted into my chest to remove fluids.

Ironically in order to avoid having to have a needle to remove fluids I had to have a needle inserted to inject fluids.

It was surreal. It was the first time I felt like a baby in this process. Something about removing an ugly disease from my body made me stronger. I still cried throughout other procedures but those tears were more warrior-like tears of someone fighting and not wanting to give in. But yesterday was different. I wasn't staring at an enemy with warm cheeks and tears streaming down. I was staring at some unknown thing that was neither friend nor foe.

Reconstruction for me is such a strange process. I don't quite get it yet but hopefully soon I will. There was, though, one truly great moment. As I started to somewhat panic with the needle coming at me, the doctor said "now go to your happy place" and the ice breaker kicked in as I burst into laughter. I could not help but think of my 7 year old telling me this same thing just the other day when he was "helping daddy" with my drains. The tension was then replaced with this uncontrollable laughter.

So yesterday was day 1 of this second phase of reconstruction (phase 1 happened at the mastectomy when they simultaneously removed my breasts and then cut into my pectoralis to insert an empty balloon like thing for this second phase). This second phase will now continue every ten days. Every ten days I will have 50cc of saline solution injected into that balloon in my chest. Meds like Valium will help the muscle not spasm.

Yesterday was also my two week countdown to chemo which is the second stage of my cancer treatment process (stage one of treatment being mastectomy). Learning and growing all the time.

Thank you for positive thoughts and prayers my way!