I look back on my life of academics and while I love learning, I'm not a fan of the test taking process. As a college instructor I understand it's important and needed but being a test taker is brutal. In the end, though, it makes the actual attained goal that much sweeter.
Test-taking reminds me of my old racing days in that no matter how hard you practiced a certain distance at a certain pace you never know how it's going to go due to do the many variables out of ones control that happen on race day. Race day can be hailing or windy or evil hot. Other racers can pull the pace to a ridiculously blazing pace only then having to drop from the field or these runners can take it so slow that it comes down to the final 10 second kick that determines the winner. So even a race day when winning is not the objective but a time goal is then you still have to tease out the combined adrenalin and emotions that come with race territory. So race environmental conditions, other athlete behaviors, and personal internal conditions all impact the overall performance.
One of the best pieces of racing advice I've had came from a sports psychologist at UCLA who recommended the book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. This sports doctor had all the athletes read this book when I was at UCLA. One quote that stuck out "“Whatever happens to me, given any situation, I can handle it.” This, of course, is something I've been able to do as long as I stayed positive, prayed, meditated -- and recruited family and friends out in the stands or out in the distance to think of me and help cheer me on.
The other great piece of advice came from my Olympic coach, Brian Appell, who encouraged pushing past adversity by practicing it. Elite athletes are conditioned to push past pain in order to get to that euphoric state of joy otherwise known as runner's high. Kind of ironic. To get joy you must push past pain. But it's such a parallel to life. And, no matter how much we can practice "the race distance" it is somehow ironically useful to practice under trying conditions.
Yesterday's exam was hard for many reasons. It covered 6 years of material. It was timed. It was lengthy. For me, personally, it was like running in the heat and the sleet (the conditions eg cancer and its effects post mastectomy) with runners (the actual questions) who played and teased me with faster and slower paces. Sometimes I got caught up in some questions (some runners paces) while other times I went my own pace (taking deep breaths). A marathon of sorts. But I crossed the line and that alone felt great and now I'm so hoping and looking forward to the cap on my upcoming bald head and gown on my new body in May's graduation day.
It's funny (not really but interesting) how I've said so many times over my life that I will never go back to school to pursue xyz degrees. On the surface it looks like I have overachiever syndrome or a competitiveness streak yet it really is not that way for me. Life just calls on me. When I went back for this second (or third or fourth...) career I did it for my son. He was my inspiration. My muse. My unconditional love. When he was born with both perfection (as every mom sees in the eyes of her infant) and challenges that required medical and other specialist intervention, I became part of those teams. When certain challenges were in guinea pig stage of treatment then I took over. In some ways it is competitiveness because I saw something better for my child. Thankfully where some naysayers went one way I chose a different pace and path and as an athlete the different conditions out there were ones I've experienced before. Pain is pain. Joy is joy. Runners high is runners high -- and I've experienced and continue to experience this with my child and his unique world. And, of course, I still get scared, I still get butterflies, and I still will always rely on prayers, positive thoughts and a whole lot of love. In fact, the best racers I've ever lived with when I lived in an Olympic training camp were those who had the biggest hearts -- and they raced with these hearts. Love trumps it all.
My son is moving along past all sorts of expectations and he's doing so well. And I'm so lucky to be the coach of his team. This particular exam was a hurdle in the process and I'm so grateful I made it to this stage with a whole lot of love and support.
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