For her funeral I made exactly 100 little guardian angels to go out into the world through friends and family. I made these as Christmas tree ornaments and she goes on our tree every year. When I ask Christopher who is Genevieve, he says "my sister and guardian angel". When Rise of the Guardians came out in the movies, he made the connection between the main character and his sister. When I cried out for help the first time on Facebook for direction on the day I learned I had an aggressive and invasive breast cancer -- exactly 100 people responded. I couldn't help but think that my guardian angel was right there, saying "Mommy, it's going to be ok."
I survived yet another deadly illness and today I'm here so grateful. I think of so many things ... including Eric Clapton's lyrics, Tears in Heaven. In particular, I feel like I tasted heaven on that November 30, 2009 -- but it's not my turn. I don't belong, yet. Im posting the lyrics in memory of Genevieve on this morning that my body woke up --on its own-- the exact time I went into her labor. Awe and peace...
"Tears In Heaven"
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Memories of her chapter:
http://ourbabygenevieve.blogspot.com/2010/01/2-months-later.html?m=1
