Perspective

A year ago today I was celebrating that I 'only' had breast cancer with some possible lymph node involvement based on my PETSCAN results. The reason why I celebrated was because I felt like there was a solution. A mastectomy is not the easiest of solutions -- but it was a solution and that gave me hope. I had hope to live. TO LIVE!!!! I was ecstatic.

You see, prior to this -- on January 10, 2013 -- I was given a call my by primary care physician in which I was told "you have an invasive and aggressive cancer and we do not know the extent." This was honestly the worst day of my life. I had never felt all those emotions all at once on a single day, in a single moment. Not know the extent? Was it in my lungs? In my ovaries? In my pancreas? I remember thinking of my son, who was sitting next to me during this call telling me 'It's going to be ok, Mommy." OMG he CAN'T 'not' have his mommy. Unbearable. I couldn't stop the simultaneous cycle of crying, feeling scared, feeling angry at not knowing what to do. I couldn't sleep that night. The next day I had the PETSCAN which would tell us the extent, but this happened on a Friday which meant if I didn't have a result that day, then I would have to wait over the weekend -- which meant not sleeping the entire weekend. But, I did. I had so many prayers and positive thoughts my way and these lifted me. In the day, I focused on the things that really mattered. I had my son and my husband with me all day long and I wanted to really savor the things we like doing together as a family, like reading aloud together, watching a movie, playing board games, going for walks and talks. That's how I wanted to spend the days not knowing.

And then, on Monday, January 14, 2013, the call came:  "the cancer is only in your breast and possible lymph nodes." A spot highlighted on my throat, which was later cleared by my ENT. But, again, perspective -- I just had breast cancer. It could have been so much worse. So grateful. So grateful that I have today and each day. So grateful that I can look back on this journey and know that I was taken care of in so many ways. Happy Anniversary Year One of this road.

Note:
A year tomorrow I started the road of doctor appointments which ultimately led to the mastectomy on February 20. A month after this I started chemo because there was lymph node involvement. Mastectomy healing prediction per doctors was three months; mine was one. During chemo, I ran every day (with modest and gradual distance and speed increases over time -- eg 20 minutes for one mile in the beginning), I ate a Paleo diet combined with Gerso juicing therapy -- and studied for my graduate exams and license exam for my field of speech language pathology. I also slept A LOT. No doctor could have ever predicted how fast my body would recover. But so much positive energy in the form of positive food in my body, exercise -- and most importantly from friends and family and friends and family of these friends and family -- positive thoughts , positive thinking, and prayers got me through this. Super grateful...